SANDF to offer the private sector ‘training missions’ to Cabo Delgado

8349

Faced with witheringly relentless budget cuts, the desperate South African National Defence Force (SANDF) is turning to the private sector to bring in some much-needed cash, and offering combat training excursions to insurgent-torn Cabo Delgado.

The SANDF has been deployed to the conflict-ridden northern Mozambique province for the last nine months, but is having a tough time assisting Mozambican and Southern African Development Community soldiers defeat ASWJ terrorists – it lacks adequate air support, manpower, food, toilet paper and other essentials. Reports suggest soldiers are using butter to oil their guns and have taken to wearing flip flops because supplies are not available.

According to SANDF spokesperson Front Admiral Andrews Mayhapen, the defence budget continues to be slashed while the SANDF’s responsibilities grow ever larger, forcing the military to get creative when it comes to raising funds.

“Should the awful funding situation continue, we will have to rename our organisation to the South African National Defence Farce,” the frustrated Commissary of Defence Corporate Communications (CDCC) told defenceWeb.

“One of the many interventions we are rolling out to bring in some much-needed boodle is to target the private sector. Security companies, car guards, even the police – especially the police – need combat training and we can offer them the best. For a relatively modest amount of money, we will take them with us on combat patrols to Cabo Delgado and they can gain valuable real-world experience fighting real world enemies. When – or if – they return, they will receive a certificate and a service medal.”

Mayhapen did not disclose how much the SANDF will be charging for its ‘combat experience tours’ but said the pricing model would be quite lucrative for the SANDF, especially as private security companies and other interested parties would also have to rent weapons, armoured vehicles and other equipment from the SANDF. Pilots doing hour-building will be able to rent Oryx helicopters by the hour, and skippers hoping to get their license will be able to rent Namacurra boats from the Navy.

The DCC head told defenceWeb there is very strong interest in this new initiative, especially from the South African taxi industry, which has already booked hundreds of slots.

John Stallone, head of the Brakpan neighbourhood watch, told defenceWeb he had signed up immediately when he learnt of the opportunity. “I can’t wait to get some trigger time up there – when I make it back I’ll have the easiest time patrolling my own streets. If I can survive terrorists trying to decapitate me, I can do anything!”

Should the project in Mozambique be successful, the SANDF plans to roll it out to the Democratic Republic of Congo, where South African personnel are deployed with the United Nations and actively engaged in fighting rebel groups.

PS Happy April Fool’s.